Phrase                                   Meaning

This is trivial.                         I forget the proof.
This is obvious.                         You forget the proof.
This is a calculation.                   Let's all forget the proof.
Clearly....                              Obscurely...

Send me your preprints.                  Please go away.
Send me your reprints.                   Please stay away.
I'll send you some of my papers.         Drop dead.
Look it up in Dunford and Schwartz.      In your face.
Go ask Professor Smith over there.       In his face.
Let's make an appointment and            In my face
   talk about it.

Read my book.                            I don't know.
That problem is intractable.             I can't do the problem, so neither can you.
I thought about that question twenty     I'm more famous than you.
   years ago, but I forgot the answer. 
That's the most insightful question I    You're more famous than I am.
   ever heard.  Let me think about it.
Let's write a joint paper on that.       We're equally famous but I'm lazy.

He's one of the greatest living          He's written five papers and I've read
   mathematicians.                          two of them. 
He's one of the four greatest living     I don't know anything about his mathematics,
   mathematicians.                          but this is what Andre' Weil said.

What are some applications of your       What IS your theorem?
   theorem?
Didn't Jones do some similar stuff       I know where you copied.
   a few years ago?
I don't understand that step.            You goofed.
How do you reconcile your theorem        You're dead.
   with this example?
Your theorem contradicts my theorem.     I'm dead.

I've heard so much about you.            Stalling a minute may give me time to
                                            recall who you are.
Who was your advisor?                    What rock did you crawl out from under?
What was your thesis about?              Are you still polishing your thesis?
Where do you teach?                      Do you have a job?
Your talk was very interesting.          I can't think of anything to say about
                                            your talk.
Have you had many students?              Do you have any social diseases?
I read one of your papers.               I wrapped fish with one of your papers.

This glossary was originally intended for submission to the Annals of
Mathematics.  Due to rumors of a backlog, the author regretfully
decided to submit it to The Mathematical Intelligencer.

Steven G. Krantz
Department of Mathematics
Washington University
St. Louis, MO 63130-4899, U.S.A.

from the Mathematical Intelligencer 16/1 (1994), p. 36
[grouping of phrases due to M. Fleck, for email readability] 

(Source: it.stlawu.edu)